Pearls vs. Water Bottles

[KAC]

Educators in Norwich might be telling themselves it's the thought that counts after a bit of an uneven gift exchange with their counterparts from China.

After a recent meeting, the city educators gave their new friends from the East T-shirts, water bottles and refrigerator magnets while the Chinese reciprocated with elaborate boxes filled with strings of pearls, the Norwich Bulletin reports.

The delegation of Chinese educators was in Norwich on Monday to promote new pathways to better communication. The group of seven educators met with local officials, toured schools and discussed the differences in education between the two countries. After the tour, the groups gathered for lunch and a ceremonial exchange of gifts.

“I was really surprised,” Supt. Abby Dolliver said after opening the gift. “They’re giving pearls and we bring water bottles.”

Peter Wing, a businessman who lived in China for five years, told a group at the luncheon that gifts are an important part of Chinese protocol, but he didn't expect the disparity in the gifts to be that big a deal.

“The Chinese believe it’s the thought that counts,” Wing said.

What might have been a bigger deal was the lunch itself, which was served on paper plates.

Quinnipiac Professor Chadwick Nehrt, an expert in international business, told the Bulletin that the Chinese place a fair amount of value on how a business meal is set up.

“They regard what is served and how it is served as representative of how they are valued,” Nehrt said.

So was it an insult or a tradition that got lost in translation? It's hard to say for sure, but after finishing their lunches, the Bulletin reports that the head of the Chinese delegation suddenly stood up and announced it was time to go. Within minutes, the group was gone.

Full Article: http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/weird/Gift-Gaffe-120194214.html

 

[lisa c]

Oh, no, how awful, for everyone involved.

My own upbringing was that gifts were exchanged between family members on birthdays and on Christmas, and that one lived within their means. That meant that you didn't go into debt when buying gifts. My x came from a tradition where gifts just popped up, any time any place, and debt meant nothing, money always turned up somehow, someway.

My family took for granted that gifts were no indication of how much we were loved. My xs tradition was that the expense of the gift indicated how well loved and regarded the giftee was.

We had years to deal with this, and I really tried to adapt to the other attitude. I know he worked toward mine; each of us changed toward each other's position, but we never really could emotionally 'get it', or embrace the other position, and were always vaguely uneasy.

How much worse to have only one shot at getting it right, and getting it wrong. What a shame.

Obviously, the gift committee didn't put the right person in charge. Also, I'm not sure if I missed this in the article, but was this a committee of public school educators? That would explain a lot, not to be mean either. What public school budget would even consider anything along the lines of what the Chinese brought?

 

[KAC]

I like your attitude Lisa!

Its cliche but it really is the thought that counts, some of my favorite gifts over the years have been homemade. Not that anybody should feel bad for spending money on a gift if its within their means, they just shouldn't feel obligated.

Yes and what a shame things ended so poorly for the groups.

 

[lisa c]

I like your attitude, too. Laissez faire. I agree with you about obligation, etc, and homemade gifts...It constantly amazes me, how the 'simplest' social and emotional transactions aren't simple, but I'm starting to get it. Sort of.

Then of course, there's the danger of over-thinking stuff, eh?? ("Moooom, stop over-thinking stuff!") Oh, noooooo...

I'm thinking, the public school administrators are all ready for a simple meet and greet, and exchange of ideas, the casual working supper and paper plates are about what they'd be used to, and WHAM! culture shock and they've insulted people they are predisposed to like and respect.

The Chinese, formal, highly ceremonial and conscientious, carefully calibrating their gifts with respect and symbolism, and the embarrassment and uncertainty (Are we insulted? should we be? should we be angry?), that must have followed all this.

I sure hope someone with insight and a charming sense of humor got them back together, to straighten out the respect issues, so everyone can save face and relationships.

 

[KAC]

I sure hope someone with insight and a charming sense of humor got them back together, to straighten out the respect issues, so everyone can save face and relationships.

I hope so, it sounds like it was just two cultures not understanding each other, so nobody is at fault or both at fault depending how you look at.

 

[KarinK]

I would have felt sooooo bad about that situation. But I also can't help thinking that maybe someone could have done a bit of homework and looked into the tradition of gift giving - on either side really.

Then maybe the Chinese would have given water bottles and the English beautiful silver jewlery

- Karin

 

[Caitlin]

Cute post, Karin! And you are right, homework was a good idea. That could have been a much better moment if each side had a clue about the other side.

Here's for intercultural tolerance and friendship-building. -thumbs up-

 

[pearlsbynature]

Most likely the two sides in this article paid the same amount for their gifts in their respective countries, but one is of a much higher perceived value.
I have found it helpful to always give something of cultural value to your area, when in doubt of what kind of gift, to the Chinese. It has intangible value that is not easily converted. This has served me well in many cultural and business encounters. For me here in the Pacific NW, it's smoked salmon, of the indigenous kind. Symbolic, cultural and can be eaten.

 

[thepearlmart]

While in Chinese media, the thrift of President Obama and of the highest administrator of Hong Kong is praised and the extravagance of some local government officials gets condemned. The cultural difference does exist, but nowadays people of different cultures start to understand each other better and act in a more similar way than ever.

 

[Nerida]

Yes, I thought about this too - similar values perhaps. I have received many many corporate 'gifts' over the years and the only ones I have really kept/treasured have been ones with local cultural value. I think some of my earliest CFWP were received in this way, along with Japanese lacquered and inlayed boxes, Indian textiles, Israeli glassware (shame about no diamonds...), and various bits and pieces from NZ. On the buying side, I always tried to choose Australian gifts for overseas business guests. No water bottles!